Following Your [Im]practical Dreams?

Travel the world, have lunch with Robert Pattinson, end the Mid-East conflict, become an artist, be America’s first desi president! Everyone has some sort of goal or dream in life. For many it’s following your heart and going after the perfect career. Yet I see so many of us struggling to do just that… chasing your dream by following your heart. Why do so many of us struggle to pursue our dream job? What is it that comes in the way? Responsibilities, lack of support, fear?

We all feel a sense of responsibility to ourselves and those around us. Having a stable and practical career allows us to harbor that responsibility. Today, the importance of money is clear. That is why so many of us choose careers that will be financially lucrative. We put the notion of “following your dreams” to the side in order to choose what is practical in life- the safe choice for a safe future. We grow up believing that choosing the safe and practical career path will lead to success. But why must success be defined by monetary values and one’s place in society? It’s an idea that our parents have drilled in us since we were kids. And for good reason… they want to see you accomplish great things in life. No one wants to see you fail. But do these “great things in life” correlate to true happiness? Sometimes a strong support system isn’t there in chasing our dreams. So you go after the “right thing to do”. But does that truly make one happy? Life always has its give and takes. Is it worth it?

Our dreams are sometimes outside of our comfort zone. They require you to get off the path everyone else is following and create your own. It takes conscious effort, growth and change. And this can feel somewhat scary. Is it really fair to let fear win?

The great Sufi poet Jalaluddin Rumi once said, “Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.” I wish more of us would follow his words. If you love what you do, it will never feel like work. That will bring an unconditional happiness that cannot be replaced. There is an unspoken beauty about doing something you love. You do it from the heart. And that is something one can put no monetary value on.

How to Choose The One You Marry- Modern Day Advice for the Modern Day Lady

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of good fortune must be in want of a wife.”

–These are the opening lines of Jane Austen’s epic 19th century British novel Pride and Prejudice. Though written many years ago, the story still echoes in our culture today, especially within South Asian society. Well then let me say; it is a truth universally acknowledged that a smart woman in possession of a good heart must be careful and cautious in her selection for a good husband.

So you’re reaching that age- your parents want you to start thinking about that next big step in life: marriage, rishtas are coming to your doorstep, your friends and family are trying to set you up with potential suitors, do you choose that mechanical or electrical engineer? Ah, decisions, decisions. Today whether you meet someone on your own or are introduced through family or friends, the getting-to-know-each-other process can become a bit stressful. Aside from the obvious questions to consider like, do we share similar religious and moral values, is his Facebook profile normal (though be warned, sometimes Facebook can be a weak indicator of his normalcy level, though most of the time it’s a very good judge…), what’s his relationship like with his family, does he have a stable job, have ambitions, will he treat me the way a woman deserves to be treated, will he be a good husband, a good father, etc… in the midst of asking yourself all these questions, it’s easy to get tangled and confused.

A man can have a good heart ♥, kind eyes and be caring, but there are certain things that should never go ignored! You might say, but those qualities can outweigh everything else, can’t they? Well, those qualities are very important but there is so much more. And amidst all the crazy confusion, us ladies sometimes lose sight of what is right and it’s important just not to lose sight of who you are.

So I’ve compiled a list of a few things you must ask yourself when choosing a husband. Though some of the following statements may stick out to be obvious, we must not settle for just anyone who pours his heart out for us! You deserve only the best and you know exactly what you’re worth. Find someone who is worthy of you. You deserve someone incredible. Find your Mr. Incredible! And how do you do that? Ask yourself the obvious questions of course, but there are a few more things to really look into that should help with your decision, should you become confused:

1. Be with someone who makes you feel inspired. Surrounding yourself with people who open your mind and inspire you to make something of yourself is one of the keys towards personal growth. What can you learn from him? The guy you’re thinking about marrying should inspire you to challenge, question and act upon new ideas and passions. He should ignite that flame within you- to make something of yourself. And he should support your career decisions. The world is full of endless possibilities and rich knowledge just waiting for you to explore… it would be a waste to let it go ignored. A lifelong mate should be your enriching support system.

2. Be with someone who makes you want to be a better person, and vice versa. The guy you are considering to marry should make you want to become better person. Consider how you feel when your in his company and how you feel when your not. Make sure he is keeping you happy. Ask yourself the simple question, does he make me feel genuinely happy?

3. Physical attraction suddenly weighs less when mental, emotional and intellectual connections are missing. What’s the conversation like? Be with someone you can connect with on a deeper level than what’s on the surface. A good looking mate is great arm-candy and a nice self-esteem booster, but that materialistic feeling is only temporary and fades quickly when there’s not a deeper connection present. At the end of the day, it’s that deep connection the two of you have that will get you through thick and thin. Not his good looks. Remember, being physically attracted to one another is not a connection!

4. Listen to what he says about himself and how he says it, and then look at his actions. If they are contradictory, that is not a good sign. What he says about himself should be in line with how he acts. If he tells you he wants to become a better person, has changed his ways, yet does things that contradict these very words, he’s doing the opposite of what he told you. And us women are smart enough to realize when this is happening- do NOT ignore it! Listen to your intuition. A man should also not have to constantly put on a sales pitch for you to consider him. And if he does, those red flags that are holding you back are holding you back for a reason.

5. What does he YouTube? What a silly question, you might say. Ah, quite the contrary. This is a question that all too often gets overlooked but is imperative to consider when trying to key into his mind. Just like how you can tell a lot about someone by the type of people they have been with in the past, what a man YouTubes in his spare time can speak lengths about his mind. If all he does is YouTube pop starlets such as the Pussycat Dolls or Miley Cyrus, mentioning how fond he is of the 17-year old girl’s latest music video, that is a warning sign. You must pause and ask yourself: is this normal? Are we on the same level here? Are you really listening to more Lady Gaga than I do? By examining his YouTube habits, you can gain great insight into his mind- what’s there and what’s apparently not. If you find yourself questioning at any point, “Is that normal?” just know that it’s NOT. Do not ignore this red flag.

6. Don’t consider a guy who makes you feel like you’re on drugs. That dangerous and exciting feeling that feels so wrong you want to believe it’s right- is not healthy. When your friends ask you how he makes you feel and you respond by giving a drug reference, making yourself sound like an addict- that is a huge warning sign! John Mayer said it himself in describing his failed relationship with Jessica Simpson when he described her as a crazy drug he was addicted to. So dangerous it hurts.

7. If he is changing your morals and values for the worse, that is not healthy. You being the respectful lady that you are must show him your class by maintaining your dignity. If a guy makes you do or believe something that goes against your morals, he is not the right guy for you! It’s important not to get caught up in the moment or in the sweet words they speak. Being the classy lady that you are, you must never compromise what you believe is the right thing no matter what. Stand up and show him that you have certain values that deserve to be respected. You are a respectful and classy lady. He should treat you like one. In the end, his respect for you will only rise for not giving in. And if that doesn’t happen, then you have your answer: he was never the right guy for you. If you see you’ve given up certain values and morals that you previously always stuck to, that is not a good sign.

8. If you have a feeling that you can do better, do not ignore that feeling- it is there for a reason! Always listen to your gut! If you have a feeling that something better is out there or that you deserve better, don’t ignore that feeling. Also, if all your friends and family tell you that you can do better, they just might be onto something! Take what your friends and family say about him into consideration because they know you very well. Your close friends and family members will have an opinion about him. Do not ignore it. Take what they have to say into perspective even if it sounds ugly, for they want nothing but to see you happy and with someone you deserve. At the end of the day, you’ll be thankful. It’s easy to get blinded and sidetracked (and overlook things that otherwise should not be overlooked). Sometimes your friends and family hold solid viewpoints that should be taken into consideration.

9. No one is perfect and we all have flaws. Will you be able to put up with his flaws? If he leaves you confused or agitated after conversational exchange, this is not a healthy sign. If you are constantly tense or upset, do not ignore that. Marriage is compromise. What are you willing to compromise? Whatever it is, make sure that it is something you are willing to put up with and still makes you feel comfortable. There will be little things here and there that annoy you- that is normal. But ask yourself- is this worth it? Can love overcome this? Side note: love cannot overcome everything.

10. Look at what he does and not just career-wise. What are his extra-curricular activities? What does he do when he comes home from work? What does he do on the weekends? How much time does he spend with his family? It’s important to have a healthy balance in one’s life. If he does nothing and you are his everything- that is not healthy. If he does too much and has little time for you, that isn’t good either. No one is perfect but he should have things to do in his life that he enjoys apart from you and his career- whether it be sports, playing an instrument, reading, writing, a good circle of friends, support for a certain cause, or any other hobbies (Note: “Working out” DOES NOT count). What can he teach you? You should not be his one and only extra-curricular activity nor should you feel like he is always too busy. There should be a healthy balance.

11. Look at who his friends are. You are the company you keep!

12. Be completely honest and loyal to one another. Self-explanatory. Things you keep hidden on purpose will always find their way out.

13. Have mutual respect for one another. This is very important to building a healthy relationship. He should respect you and you should respect him. Mutual respect will lead to mutual love.

14. Lastly, constantly pray for guidance when a potential comes in your direction. You’ll be surprised at the signs God will show you. Always have faith and never stop praying. By placing your utmost faith in God, you’ll never lose sight of what’s right!

What To Do To Prepare for Summer Shaadi Season?

Uzma Bawany/Thaakat Foundation

Here it is Chicago- Summer wedding season. Quit pulling your hair out girls because all of the hair spray, thermo heating and curling will already do the job for you. It’s tough, June comes around and the weddings begin. Why do you ask, should you preplan..here are a few reasons.

Schedule my life where? I know you all get this, Pakistani and Indian weddings are not a one day occasion, weddings are several, I said SEVERAL weeks long. In between all of this, your aunty mummy fathers brother will want to do a graduation party for his son, your friends birthday party will be during that same week and remember you also have to fit in a dentist appointment. Our lives, are just simply hectic. Being desi, your network is larger, thus you will have that many more parties to tend to. In our network, being sick is no excuse.

Gifting- We have all learned to be polite over the years and leave the toasters and ice cream makers at home. Typically the cards today list “no boxed gifts” and for good reason mind you. You will be gifting several hundreds of dollars over the course of the summer so you will need to pre plan to make sure you are not pulling money out of other important budgets. Your family will not be cool with vegetables and frozen dinners for a few weeks. We always save money but making a trip to the dollar store and picking up several wedding cards at the start of the summer- who said it’s not ok to cheap out on cards??! And it saves you the rush the day of !

No Baby Cry- if there are any ill lookers the day of the wedding it’s because you trudged your annoying kids along. Weddings are a formal event and unless you are family- leave your kids with a sitter. It is extremely stressful to walk into a formal event and see ill behaved desi kids running around everywhere. Get this guys, I’m going to be brutally honest (if the invite says Mr. and Mrs. This means its only for the couple )

Makeup, Shoes, Check!- Don’t walk into a wedding with torn shoes and shady make up. It’s the summer time, you know you’ll have parties to attend to so make a quick shopping trip. You will feel better about yourself when you walk into the room and you’d wish that you had done the trip sooner!

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

By: Uzma Bawany

What is your response? Why are so many people terrified by this question? There really is no right answer- rather the question is one that seeks intuitive perspective and character of the person who is answering it.

My answer: Curiosity. The Chicken crossed the road because it was curious.

According to our beloved Wiki- “Curiosity an emotion that causes natural inquisitive behavior such as exploration, investigation, and learning, evident by observation in human and many animal species.”

Now this desire to learn or know- it could bring about great conclusions, re-shape science, bring a love to light that you never knew existed though if morbidly curious- it could lead to one being involved in dangerous activities and other risky behavior. I suppose this is something you never really even thought about- unless you are curious .

When you think about your level or curiosity- where do you stand? Being on the low end of the spectrum is no good- because then you never care to explore. If you never explore you will never experience the wonders of the world. The world is not flat, the sky is not always blue- don’t you want to know why? You will always be afraid of risk, you will never give that girl at the coffee shop a hello, you will never know what snow feels like if you live in Hawaii and you probably will never know Nick at Nite exists because you still have cable TV.

Now if you’re too curious for your own good. This is where it can go wrong. You can call it snoopy, or risky and dangerous. Now this comes from your intent. Is your intent to be curious one that takes positive scope or are you just trying to be intrusive? Is there really a purpose to you being curious or do you simply want to jump a cliff because it is perilous? Are you trying to snoop on a neighbor because you want something to gossip about or because he is at the center of an unsolved case and you are a detective?

It is because of curiosity that science exists today, though it is also curiosity that killed the cat.

Now here’s a wealth of answers to the age old question:

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Here are some possible answers we give from the philosopher’s frame of reference.

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Lost in a Pollock

By: Ammara Bokhari

Earlier this month I strolled into the Art Institute of Chicago, the first of many trips I’d make there this month (its free the entire month of February!). I ended up walking through almost the entire museum, visiting nearly all of the galleries on all three levels, granted I did have on some very comfortable shoes and was energized by a Zafi energy drink- but that’s beside the point. It was one work of art in particular that caught my eye and ended up leaving me speechless. Although it was a painting I’d seen quite a few times before on my previous trips here, this time was somehow different. Walking into the Contemporary Art gallery, I found myself to be the only one in the room. I was alone and the air was silent. In front of me hung a masterpiece by an artist I’d studied in depth in my art history classes, especially last semester. It was Jackson Pollock’s Greyed Rainbow (1953). Hanging nearly 6 feet tall and 9 feet wide, the canvas is filled with drips and splashes of paint mostly in white, black, and grey, its abstractness apparent in each fling of color.

Jackson Pollock (1912 – 1956) was one of the most intriguing American artists of the 20^th century. Bringing a revolution within the art world with the Abstract Expressionist art movement, his break-through drip style of painting took non-representational art to an entirely new and elevated height. His canvases are filled with busy abstract lines and shapes, stylized at random by pouring, splashing, and dripping paint onto the canvas. It wasn’t just his transcendent paintings that shocked the world- his troubled life also caught much attention, as he battled alcoholism and psychiatric problems.

Some may look at his paintings and think a little kid could paint it. A common misconception. Many have tried to replicate a Pollock, but have deemed unsuccessful. One must realize that Pollock was the first to revolutionize this style, by introducing it and evoking a unique visual experience that had not been seen until that time. Above all, he had the courage to do this… the courage to completely put himself out there, artistically… to expose his soul to the most critical public in a manner that seemed completely idiotic. Art is ever-changing…always. A true artist, is always subconsciously in search of redefining art and may not even be aware of this very fact. They are in search of what hasn’t been done before… in the highest degree of self-expression. How much longer was the world going to see Cubism, Futurism, or the many other stylistic movements of the early 20th century? Pollock’s introduction of abstract-expressionism was a redefining moment.

Okay so back to my visit to the museum: there I stood- a foot and a half away from a Pollock, and became absolutely engulfed in its presence. I was so taken aback by its energy. And finally grasped the essence of my art history lectures. I finally understood the exact emotion my art history professor from last semester spoke of in our Abstract Art class. He spoke of experiencing this profound emotion, an out-of-body experience in front of a painting. I finally got it. The busy lines seemed to be almost coming out towards me. I stared into the painting and got completely lost. It was so powerful… beautiful in depth, and invigorating in emotion. Suddenly I saw Pollock’s troubled life being reflected in the energy of this canvas. He believed in expressing the inner life of the artist through his paintings, wanting to invigorate the viewer with absolute intensity. The absence of an object or image allows the viewer to feel the emotion of his paintings on a much deeper level. What is most intriguing is that the distraction of representation is taken away and one is left to reflect on their individual psyches with their own subconscious interpretation of the painting as the colors are brilliantly reflected towards you. Greyed Rainbow is a true masterpiece. It has a certain euphoric sentiment that can make one drown in its existence. And it is this very emotion that Pollock had aimed to capture. I realized that I was staring at real history. Pollock was a leader of his time- transforming the Abstract Expressionist art movement and inspiring many after him by bridging the path towards modern art. Beautiful.

Here are a few more shots of the painting that I took while I was there: