Mother in Law and Daughter in Law- The Not so Treacherous Journey

 

By Uzma Bawany/Executive Director/Thaakat Foundation

The ultimate “not to look forward to” relationship in Desi culture, so when I got married should I have been scared?

Back in the day, when joint family households were the norm with our parents, we were all quick to notice the tumultuous relationship between the daughter in law and the mother in law. I suppose it makes sense. There can only be one queen bee!

Females have strong personalities. They have a saying in where the tea kettle is stored, how their children are raised, what is brought to the table at dinner time. Though when there are two females in the house, how goes it?

When I first got married, I missed home and I was scared of starting my new life. I was excited but confused. She made me feel right at home! I would be living in a joint family but I didn’t mind the idea because I wanted to spend time to get to know my new family. The first day I arrived, my mother in law arranged to have me taken for grocery shopping, set up my room, made me dinner and hugged me every moment she got.

Six Months Later, every time I leave home for a vacation, I miss my Mother In Law. I feel like I have another mom.

We fight over who gets to wash the dishes, we tag team my husband with jokes and laugh about it, I like to have the kitchen clean when she gets home. We have a mutual respect for one another. No one is vying to be the queen of the household, rather she treats me as her daughter and I treat her as my mother, I mean that’s essentially what it is right?

So what makes things so difficult for everyone else? Why is the term “Saas” so poisonous in desi culture?

A great relationship between the two requires two major things: Have a mutual respect for one another and love each other. My Mother in Law sat me down one day and she said, I want to be remembered as a great mother. I want you to tell your kids that we were great friends. When you talk to your friends, I want them to see how happy you are. 

Remember girls, your relationship with your in laws is half what you bring to the table. Keep your hands open to responsibilities and your heart open to a new family. I heart my Saas and couldn’t ask for anything more.

Thaakat Toots it’s Own Horn- Just for a Sec!

By: Uzma Bawany/Thaakat@gmail.com/Executive Director

I feel like we don’t update our supporters about Thaakat enough via our Urdu Times initiative so we thought to take a moment this week to let everyone know what we’ve been up to for the past year.

Thaakat Foundation started with a small group of students who gathered in an apartment one day to share ideas about life, little did they know they were there for their first unofficial board meeting. Without a due everyone agreed to be on board (I told them it was for eternity) and they willingly signed over their Sunday mornings for meetings and free time to spreading word of the cause.

That was in August of 2007. Today, we are incorporated with the state and federal governments as a 501c3 non -profit and hope to spread the agenda of creative altruism to the depths of college campuses and beyond.

In the last year we were able to hold 9 major volunteer events which included a Thanksgiving and Mother’s Day luncheon with the elderly at Hamdard, teaching children principles of money saving and courtesy, gardening up beauty for a HUD sponsored nursing home and holding a poetry slam to encourage tolerance and amicability among Indian and Pakistani youth.

As far as global projects are concerned, We were able to work with The More Than Tomorrow Foundation to launch a pilot computer learning center in Nothern India for which we have secured another two laptops to help with teaching in the village. We were able to work with the College of DuPage MSA to raise more than $1200 for the SWAT refugees in June 2009 and currently we just met our goal to sponsor a village in Southern India with clean water for up to twenty five years. Toot Toot!

Thaakat has been featured in booths at Melas, Chaand Raats, Expos and sponsored in fundraising events though co-hosting with College of DuPage IPO, DePaul PSA and the University of Illinois at Chicago UDA.

We love that we have inspired youngsters to donate but even more, we have inspired them to want to be involved hands on through our local volunteer events. People that we’ve worked with have been so touched by the fact that these young adults are not on assignment or being forced into helping. These young adults have volunteered their time and want to help.

Often times when we have left Hamdard center the elderly send us off in cheers and both volunteers and seniors depart misty eyed but strong in heart and hope. We are the future and if we as youngsters become too consumed in work, computers, television, violin lessons, soccer practice etc etc.. Then there will be a generation of old but wise, poor but hopeful, weak yet strong in mind that will be left in just faraway dreams that someone one day will care to take notice.

We all work, very hard. Many of us work so much so that we barely see our families. Do take the time to sit down during the week and schedule bonding time with your family, especially your grandparents. Take out time once a month to volunteer. Take time out to teach your children the importance of global awareness and cultural diversity.

Our board members have worked on a purely voluntary basis tirelessly to help progress our efforts in the last year, if you feel you are a business, school organization or individual that can help us move forward please contact us at thaakat@gmail.com!

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF OUR DONORS AND SUPPORTERS WHO HELPED US MEET OUR GOALS FOR THE WATER FILTER PROJECT!

Thank you of course to Tariq Kwaja of the Urdu Times for believing in us when no one else did!

How To Eat a Pomegranate

Alright guys, this enigma of a fruit may have just started making the headlines recently but if you’re from a Pakistani or Indian household, you may agree when I say a past time in our family was sitting around a chadar and de-fruiting a pomegranate, or Anar as we refer to it.

To me as a kid- they looked like juicy pearls of candy and tasted just as robust so when headlines showed that this superstar fruit was super plentiful for you, I thought it a no brainer to make sure to include it in my diet.

It is true though- pure pomegranate juice is painfully bitter. So here are some fun ways to incorporate this ruby into your diet- whether it is by tea, juice or in extracts.

First- if you are going to go au natural- another word for peel and eat- please make sure you are wearing gloves and clothes that you don’t care much for. The color is like scarlett and will stain you!

Top ways to eat a pomegranate:

Pomegranate and jalepeno chutney- a way to combat the bitter is to overpower it with a taste slightly above and beyond- spicey jalepeno will do the trick

Pomegranate and papaya parfait- a blend of sweet and slightly sour, cream in this dessert will lighten up the harsh flavors

Cranberry and Pomegranate juice- if you can handle the bitter, this combination is a winner. Definitely a thirst quencher and easy way to get all things good into your diet.

Pomegrante salad- top with almonds,walnuts, pear and all things fun, this is a great way to incorporate the Pomegranate while keeping the bejeweled ruby’s in their natural state.

Now, be creative! South Asians like to throw cups of random ingredients into all of their dishes, so be a little adventurous with this super food and as lame as this may seem—make Anar your super power!

Here’s a quick spit of some health benefits of the juicy fruit (compliments of Health Diaries):

Pomegranate juice has become popular in the past few years, but does it really live up to the hype? It looks like it.

Several recent studies have shown significant potential health benefits from drinking pomegranate juice. Here are eleven:

Fights Breast Cancer
Studies in Israel show that pomegranate juice destroys breast cancer cells while leaving healthy cells alone. It may also prevent breast cancer cells from forming.

Lung Cancer Prevention
Studies in mice show that pomegranate juice may inhibit the development of lung cancer.

Slows Prostate Cancer
It slowed the growth of prostate cancer in mice.

Keeps PSA Levels Stable
In a study of 50 men who had undergone treatment for prostate cancer, 8 ounces of pomegranate juice per day kept PSA levels stable, reducing the need for further treatment such as chemotherapy or hormone therapy.

Protects the Neonatal Brain
Studies show that maternal consumption of pomegranate juice may protect the neonatal brain from damage after injury.

Prevention of Osteoarthritis
Several studies indicate that pomegranate juice may prevent cartilage deterioration.

Protects the Arteries
It prevents plaque from building up in the arteries and may reverse previous plaque buildup.

Alzheimer’s Disease Prevention
It may prevent and slow Alzheimer’s disease. In one study, mice bred to develop Alzheimer’s disease were given pomegranate juice. They accumulated significantly less amyloid plaque than control mice and they performed mental tasks better.

Lowers Cholesterol
It lowers LDL (bad cholesterol) and raises HDL (good cholesterol).

Lowers Blood Pressure
One study showed that drinking 1.7 ounces of pomegranate juice per day lowered systolic blood pressure by as much as 5 percent.

By Uzma Bawany/Thaakat@gmail.com

Alright guys, this enigma of a fruit may have just started making the headlines recently but if you’re from a Pakistani or Indian household, you may agree when I say a past time in our family was sitting around a chadar and de-fruiting a pomegranate, or Anar as we refer to it.

To me as a kid- they looked like juicy pearls of candy and tasted just as robust so when headlines showed that this superstar fruit was super plentiful for you, I thought it a no brainer to make sure to include it in my diet.

It is true though- pure pomegranate juice is painfully bitter. So here are some fun ways to incorporate this ruby into your diet- whether it is by tea, juice or in extracts.

First- if you are going to go au natural- another word for peel and eat- please make sure you are wearing gloves and clothes that you don’t care much for. The color is like scarlett and will stain you!

Top ways to eat a pomegranate:

Pomegranate and jalepeno chutney- a way to combat the bitter is to overpower it with a taste slightly above and beyond- spicey jalepeno will do the trick

Pomegranate and papaya parfait- a blend of sweet and slightly sour, cream in this dessert will lighten up the harsh flavors

Cranberry and Pomegranate juice- if you can handle the bitter, this combination is a winner. Definitely a thirst quencher and easy way to get all things good into your diet.

Pomegrante salad- top with almonds,walnuts, pear and all things fun, this is a great way to incorporate the Pomegranate while keeping the bejeweled ruby’s in their natural state.

Now, be creative! South Asians like to throw cups of random ingredients into all of their dishes, so be a little adventurous with this super food and as lame as this may seem—make Anar your super power!

Here’s a quick spit of some health benefits of the juicy fruit (compliments of Health Diaries):

Pomegranate juice has become popular in the past few years, but does it really live up to the hype? It looks like it.

Several recent studies have shown significant potential health benefits from drinking pomegranate juice. Here are eleven:

Fights Breast Cancer
Studies in Israel show that pomegranate juice destroys breast cancer cells while leaving healthy cells alone. It may also prevent breast cancer cells from forming.

Lung Cancer Prevention
Studies in mice show that pomegranate juice may inhibit the development of lung cancer.

Slows Prostate Cancer
It slowed the growth of prostate cancer in mice.

Keeps PSA Levels Stable
In a study of 50 men who had undergone treatment for prostate cancer, 8 ounces of pomegranate juice per day kept PSA levels stable, reducing the need for further treatment such as chemotherapy or hormone therapy.

Protects the Neonatal Brain
Studies show that maternal consumption of pomegranate juice may protect the neonatal brain from damage after injury.

Prevention of Osteoarthritis
Several studies indicate that pomegranate juice may prevent cartilage deterioration.

Protects the Arteries
It prevents plaque from building up in the arteries and may reverse previous plaque buildup.

Alzheimer’s Disease Prevention
It may prevent and slow Alzheimer’s disease. In one study, mice bred to develop Alzheimer’s disease were given pomegranate juice. They accumulated significantly less amyloid plaque than control mice and they performed mental tasks better.

Lowers Cholesterol
It lowers LDL (bad cholesterol) and raises HDL (good cholesterol).

Lowers Blood Pressure
One study showed that drinking 1.7 ounces of pomegranate juice per day lowered systolic blood pressure by as much as 5 percent.

All That Techno!

By: Charmi Patel/Thaakat@gmail.com

It’s everywhere: Cell phones, blackberrys, PDAs, Facebook, My Space, Twitter. The list goes on and on. It seems as if the technology around us has skyrocketed over the past few years. Specifically, I’m noticing more and more around me everyday! Who needs to have a conversation with a friend now we just send out a quick text message. Wait for that little beep and get a response back as quick as a pin drops. Now how about when we actually call someone? Often times, we hit that awkward silence. Almost as if we have forgotten how to have a conversation.

So what’s it look like on a personal level? Yeah the techno is great because it makes things quicker and simpler for our complicated lives. But what about the joy that a simple “good night” brings to us at midnight? Does it feel quite the same via text message or facebook message? Mmm not as sentimental huh?It has definitely become easier to meet people and learn a few broad things about them through these online websites. However, all the important stuff is missed out on. We don’t really give ourselves the chance to inquire about another person. Is it just the rush of daily life? Or is it just our lack of caring? I think it’s just EASIER! I can recall times that I’ve gotten wished a happy birthday on FACEBOOK. Did I mention it was from close family and friends? What happened to the simple phone calls? Call me old fashioned, but I think those were the things to look forward to. I can definitely say some relationships have gone stale from lack of direct communication. If anyone has seen “He’s Just Not That Into You”, Cameron Diaz had to get rejected in numerous ways from the same person! She checked her voicemail, her My Space, her email, her text messages, etc, etc. Where does it end!! C’mon now, rejection shouldn’t be that difficult right? Simple phone call would do the trick. *Sigh*

 

Everyone around you is checking their phone time after time. It used to be just for missed phone calls. Now it’s for their email, their text messages, office appointments, conference calls, etc. Kids in junior high school even have cell phones! I take that back…kids in ELEMENTARY! Now seriously..what in the world is so important that they need cell phones in their lunchbox?! Now imagine 10 years from now when we can’t even look at each other while asking a simple question. Is that really a world we want to live in? Why not try to head back into the old days and give a close friend a call….why? Just to say, “hello, how was your day?”

Lights, Camera, Actually… I’m Not Going to the Movies

By: Denis Ghayal

All movies today should be Rated G for Garbage.  Do movies suck these days or what? Let’s face it, when was the last time you went to the movie theater and walked away thinking, “Hey, this movie was great!”, or even better, when it leaves you speechless because you can’t stop thinking about the twist or the plot. If not for Batman this year, 2008 would have been just as horrible as the past couple of years. Revenues remained pretty much the same as last year, but there’s good reason why – because of the rise in ticket prices.  Believe it or not, the increase in ticket prices was a strategy used to boost revenue numbers since enough people weren’t going.

These executives and directors must be wondering why no one cares to go to these horrible movies.  They must think it’s probably due to game consoles, or downloading movies on-line, or Net Flix type industries making a huge dent in their wallets.  If they believe this is true, they would be dead wrong.

‘Armageddon’

There are basically two reasons why movies suck so badly right now. The first is the film industry’s maintained theory of star power. The theory goes that a movie company can put together any piece of crap they like and people will see it if it has a big star in it. Many of these types of movies are slapped together very quickly without any real thought to story, tone or even timing. Put a big star or two in it, make some stuff explode and/or a few intimate scenes and voila! (ß pronounced Vwa-la…I know you said ‘voyla’!)

The result, of course, is crap. Most of the best movies are entirely character and plot driven. They usually don’t star the big movie stars at all. Actually, it’s the other way around- people become big stars after they have been in a good, quality movie. A movie doesn’t become good just because it has a star in it. A few examples:

Titanic: Kate Winslet was hardly a household name when the movie came out. She had been in a couple of small movies and was not a star by any means. Leonardo DiCaprio had been in a few movies and was relatively well known but was not a big star. Titanic went on to become the highest-grossing movie of all time.

Star Wars: Need I say more? The only person in the cast who could have been considered a star was Obi Wan, and he wasn’t that well known among the younger audience. Did anyone go to see it because he was in it? Not bloody likely.

Jaws: No huge stars, great movie. Not only did it clean up at the box office, it made people afraid to swim for about 20 years.

E.T.: No stars, just a solid story. It’s the kind of movie that stands the test of time because it wasn’t built around close-ups of the star of the week.

The Fellowship of the Ring Trilogy: Same deal. Based on a solid trilogy of books and the movie didn’t lean on any stars. Liv Tyler was probably the best known actor in the movie, but she played a very small (useless) part.

These are just a few of the movies that relied on characters and a story instead of throwing money at the biggest star that the director could get at the time. And all of these movies will be remembered far longer than the Hancocks, Eagle Eyes, or Transporters.

‘Show me the Money’

The other really big reason why movies suck today is because of the budget they have set aside for the really big stars, which means that everything else in the movie is worthless. The storyline, which is the most important aspect of the movie, gets no attention because all of these celebrities are asking for $20-50 million per film.  Add a couple more superstars and you have a perfect recipe for a ‘disaster movie’ (pun intended).

The result is this: sequels and remakes. There is no budget for finding scripts from new screenwriters who actually have good ideas. There is no budget for hiring a group of writers, or even one quality writer, to spend a few months developing a worthwhile story. Instead, the biggest stars possible are booked and then the producers choose a movie to either remake or continue.

‘Enough’

These directors and writers need to stop lollygagging and make some really good, well thought out movies.  I love watching movies, as I am sure you, the person reading this does too!  I just want to watch a movie which makes me think, such as ‘The Illusionist’ and ‘The Prestige’, or make me laugh like ‘Snatch’ and ‘Friday’, or make me cry like ‘Titanic’ and ‘Notebook’.  Let’s all be hopeful and optimistic.  Let’s all believe in movies again and restore faith in that little thing we call movie magic.  I really hope these producers and directors will ‘Bring It On’!  Sorry… I had to do it.

Indians Are Ugly?

By: Denish Ghayal

I’m angry today.  I mean really angry!  I am sure many of you have found yourself sometimes on the internet just surfing.  One of my favorite pass times is to go on Google and randomly search.  Now, I’m not sure if you all know, but Google uses a special algorithm and has auto text when you begin your search.  When you enter keywords in Google, the search engine refers to its database and displays all the results.  The most relevant results are at the top of the list.  So I decided that I would do some research on Indians (not Native Indians).  So I began to search.  I started to type in “why are Indians so…” and before I knew it, Google’s auto text began spitting out results based on their “highly sophisticated” algorithms.  Just so you believe me, I’ve pasted below exactly what it displayed.

“Why are Indians so ugly?”  Ok, deep breath.  “Why are Indians so smart?”, “why are Indians afraid of dogs”, “Why are Indians vegetarian”, “why are Indians smelly?”, and the list goes on.  Are all of these not stereotypes!?  So is this what the Google system of algorithms are based on?  Although the auto result “why are Indians alcoholics” is a huge stereotype, I believe it is directed towards Native Indians.  If you don’t believe me, watch Dave Chappelle’s stand up on Native Indians (if he says it, it must be true. JK).  So I did what any person normal person would do and clicked on the “why are Indians so ugly” link.  I clicked on one of the related links and I saw a blog site with the following opinion.

Now, this was not the only post like it.  There were many, many, and many…many more.  I tried to look beyond the ignorance, and spelling mistakes, incorrect sentence structure, and lack of support for the claims being made, but could not figure out why or how people like this still exist.  I mean, that post is still relatively new, dated 9/19/08.  All opinions are not created equal and stereotypes like this will constantly remind us of how uneducated people really still are.

Now let’s talk about the second drop down before I snap. Although many Indians are smart, there are plenty who are just as dumb.  I believe that the image of Indians being smart all began as Indians immigrated to the US with a work/education visa and had to work really hard to make it for family back at home and for themselves living in the US.  If you haven’t already noticed, most Indians prefer to get a degree and get a job which doesn’t involve hard labor.  The only way Indians could get anywhere in India was through school and facing intense competition, you had to be on top.  Did I mention parents whooping their kids if they didn’t do well in school?

Let’s get to the good one.  “Why are Indians smelly?”  Now I would be lying if I told you I’ve never given off strong aroma of spices coming out of my house when I leave to hang with my pals, but I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’m smelly.  Because if I was, that would mean I eat smelly food, which is a serious insult.  This smell is a wonderful aroma and is exotic.  Yes, I agree, the spices are quite strong and can clear out your sinuses even in the severest of colds, but this gives no one the right to call Indians “smelly”.

This all really makes me upset.  It is alarming to see over 200,000 to 3,500,000 results relating to these stereotypes.  I really don’t know what to say and don’t want to put a conclusion to this article, because, there really isn’t one.  I just hope that if you’re reading this, you go and check it out for yourself and create a blogger username and fight back.  Ok, you really don’t have to do that, but let’s start spreading some honest and good words around about ourselves.  Maybe, just maybe, that algorithm will eventually change to result with topics like “why are Indians so frugal”, “why Indians are not involved with any type of professional sports”, or “how did Indians become power negotiators”, etc.  These are the real issues that need to be addressed.